Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize