i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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