where am i from again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
