No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
