Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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