Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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