well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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