Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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