i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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