genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
