My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
