just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
