dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
