I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
