im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
