I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
