I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Buhtt sex?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
