went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
