For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
