Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
