how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
