Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
