My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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