I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
