I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
