I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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