: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
