New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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