dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
