Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
