Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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