It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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