Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i will never coherently bang her
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
