I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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