i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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