I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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