I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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