Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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