I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
