I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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