Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I deserve this hangover.
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