I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
