Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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