The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
