tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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