I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
