Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
