i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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