i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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