Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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