im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Less talking, more tequila
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize