Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
