We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
