I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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