I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
