You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize