$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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