question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
