she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
