Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
