What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
