just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
