Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
