We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
