Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
