I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
