yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
