i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
