She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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