My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
