he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
