Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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