smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
farters have to be the big spoon...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
