wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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