I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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