The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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