Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
